Every journey is different...
- I am so confused. I can't...
- It's your choice, but you know you will never leave if you don't get out now....
There are times in our lives when we feel we don't belong to a place and all we can do is run and search and discover things about ourselves that we have never expected they would be there. For most of people I am someone who broke some unwritten rules that are considered normal and I probably shouldn't live among them because I am a bad example or I can influence their kids. I don't know what they think. But I just wanna ask: it is better to teach our children to live in lies and deny themselves because we think they would embarass us or just let them be different and happy and ready to explore this world?
I went through some of the hardest experiences in my life. I was beaten and broken and chased away, but I will never regret. I remember I had a girlfriend at that time and it was pretty good but I have always felt like that wasn't me. So, one night I went out with my friends in a bar. It was a boys night to celebrate our last weeks in highschool. Everything was good, until this guy, looking like a rockstar, dressed all in black and having that edgy artistic look came by the bar and ordered a drink. Suddenly my phone rang, but I closed it.
- Hotel California, The Eagles.
- What? I asked very surprised.
- Your ringtone. A classic. I didn't expet a word from him, but it seemed that people are not what we think. I am Josh by the way.
- Joseph. Nice to meet you!
- So your friends let you drink alone.
- Quite so...I am not a fan of billiard.
- You must be kidding, it's an interesting game, he said in a way that made me wonder if it actually was. Maybe I will show you one day and you'll change your mind.
I didn't know what to say about that.
- Look, I gotta go now, my friends are waiting for me, but I'll see you around! He left and I was still wondering why this conversation changed something in me.
Soon I forgot about that night, until the day I ran into him at some friend's party and he was apparently an old friend with the host. It was a nice guy beside his cool appearance and the fact that almost every girl was staring at him. And how couldn't they? Girls like blue eyes and bad boy look.
We all had fun that night. Drinking and dancing, being happy that we finally graduated and something new was expecting us, but for me all changed in a moment. It was when we decided to play spin the bottle and I had to kiss him. I felt so embarassed because everyone was watching and clapping and screaming but when it happend I knew that this was the missing piece. That was the reality, the answer I was afraid to look for. I knew why his presence had that effect on me, because he was the same, only that he already knew it.
And since then we started to meet more often, but what was next was a living hell. My so called friends started to make fun of me, to call me in different ways, to say that they were afraid to be around me, until the day I had the courage to confront him. Maybe it wasn't a good idea because they started to push me and insult me and finally I was let beaten in the middle of the street. I called my girlfriend and she took me to her house.
- Stop crying! It's not your fault. She started to clean my injuries. She was so kind and protective and I wasn't good for her.
- But you are just...
- Please, don't apologise! You'll make me cry. And if it helps you, I realised that before. I looked at her surprised. I saw it, Joseph, from the way you looked at him. I have never seen that face before.
I looked into her eyes. They were full of tears. I hurt such and innocent girl who should have hated me, but still she was there, helping me.
- But why, I asked.- Because you don't have to apologise for who you are. You just needed a little bit more time to figure it out.
I hugged her. I was sure I would never find another friend like her.
- Now you have to talk to your parents. I knew that was the next move.
- Will you come with me?
- Sure!
We went back home and I will never forget their reactions. My mun started crying and my father slapped me so hard that I fell on the floor. I was a disappointment for him, a freak. Alison helped me to get back on my feet but my dad's words killed me.
- You get out of this house right now! You are no longer my child! That's not the way I raised you!
My mun tried to convince him, but it was useless. I went through that door and I got to know the feelig of release amd liberation. I never looked back. I knew if I had done it, I wouldn't be able to live my life right now.
