The bucket list of an undecided person...

It comes a time when we have to take our jacket and see how we grew up. In a better or worse way, well that depends on everyone. But I don't know what to think about myself. Now I want something, then something else. It's tricky, I know, but what can I do?
I know I realized that one day, when a friend came to show me something that I thought I would never see again.
"Hey, look! I found something in one of your old books."
"What is it?"
"It seems to be a list, I don't know..."
"Let me see it!"He was right. It was a list, a list with things that I wanted to achieve in life. A piece of paper that made me remember my whole life and all the things I was afraid to do. "Indeed, it is kind of my bucket list."
"Really, a bucketlist?" He was both surprised and amused.
"C'mon. We all did that. At some point. We wanted to write down all the thing we dreamt of and hope one day we will check all of them."
"Maybe you did that." He joked.
"Oh, forget about it. It's nothing."
"No, I want to see." And he took it and I wasn\t able to stop him. Or maybe I didn't want to.
"Travel the world. That's a good one. But it's kind of a vast action."
"I know. I mean, I still want to travel, but I want to have that homesickness, which makes me to always come back. I need it."
"Ok. Sing in front of a large audience."
"Right, but when I am drunk probably, why would I make a fool of myself?"
"But where would be the fun then?"
"Just go on."
"Go and see a sunrise."
"Ok, but then go and sleep because it is too early. Believe me."
"Throw a big party."
"Yeah, I can do that, but can I leave after that, right? I mean, I really don't like parties." He showed me a strange look. But he knows I don't like those.
"Go to a blind date. I would like see that coming from you."
"People really enjoy that? You don't know that person and you could be so disappointed, but it can also be the other way around. I don't know, it's both fun and boring."
"Oh right, what else you wanted. Fly a helicopter, ride a rollercoaster."
"How can I do that when I am afraid of heights? What was I was thinking? Sorry, when I was young I wasn't thinking."
"You still aren't. You do realize that everything you say now it's completely different from what you believed in?"
"Not completely."
"Ok, then, what about this: kiss a stranger."
"And then slap them without no reason. I can check that, only that I was the one slapped."
"Ok, what else? Mentor someone."
"Good one, but tell them not to become like you, it is not never good."
"Number 13: do something incredible"
"But refuse to remember the result. Don't pay attention."
"Find your hero?"
"But never go after him, you will ruin the mystery."
"Sleep outside, under the stars."
"Why would I do that, there are bugs, noises and it's cold and who knows what else?"
"You are a total mess. But I like this:believe in something with all that you got, with every tear."
"But then believe the opposite. It's kind of interesting that way."
"I don't even know why I listen to you anymore. You have a response for everything that you wrote. It's like you are trying to argue with an old you."
I didn't know what to say. He made a point. I was doing that. I was mad at myself, but at my present self, not the other one. The old one was funny and adventurous and ready to change the world. The present one was just a shade of that.What I did all that time? Where I was? What happened with that person and his goals?
"I know it's hard to do all these things, but at least don't deny every one of them. Like this one for example: forgive myself."
"But never forget. You don't want to make the same mistake over and over again."
"That's actually a good advice. You see, you can do this. You can make a decision. It's only up to you."
And it was up to me. Still is. Only that I have to remember one point from my list: Don't keep a bucketlist, go there with an open mind.