The ghost with green eyes...

"It's impossible. I can't forget this. It's like the whole world is made of water and I am drowing. Every time I feel I can escape, there is more and more water and I try to breath and then I can feel it in my lungs. But I don't die. I am just suffocating. I am in an continuous torturing.It is the worst I can feel. I don't know how to express it."
"Remember, the only things that are real are the ones you can put into words. For exemple, I can ask you a simple question: Do you love her?"
"Yes, that is not a question."
"Ok, but do you really love her?"
He seemed a bit surprised. I could see that he didn't understand my question, how could he? He was just craving for an ilusion, a ghost. There is nothing more painful than fall for a ghost and believe that she is there. It is a continuos fight with the world. With yourself, especially.
"See, there is a big difference. If someone asked me if I really loved someone, I would say "no". At least for now. But that doesn't mean I don't love them. It is a a big difference."
"But I don't understand." His voice showed his surprise. "How can you tell?"
"It is not so simple, but there are signs. Please, tell me about her. The most beautiful memory that you have."
"I saw her one day on the street. Red hair, dressed all in black, making his body even thinier. It was not like all the other girls that you see passing by you. They all have the same...format, let's say. But she...she was different. Maybe for others wasn't, you know, but for me she was. For a moment our eyes meet. Those beautiful breathtaking green eyes, that we all wish for in silence. I have never seen such a gorgeous green. Not even in spring. Well, maybe she was spring. I am sure she didn't notice me, at least not as I noticed her. She was too busy to change the song on her phone. I looked after her while she went forward. But I couldn't wait. I had to catch the bus. All that day I was distracted, I thought of everything I could have said to make her stop and just look at me. But it wouldn't have been right. You can't just stop people on the street. So after I finished my classes, I went to a cafe, where I usually drink my coffee. I needed a distraction, so I bought a coffee, even if it was evening and then I went for a walk. A long one I have to say. It was already dark and I wasn't home yet. I was walking in the park, looking at the lake, enjoying the atmosphere. It was a clear night. I could see the moon reflecting in the lake. Then, from nowhere, I was some lights. What could I have done than go there and see what was happening?
And so I did. And there she was. Taking pictures. To the lake. The moon. The nature. What a beautiful image was for me, seeing her in the middle of the nature, practically finding herself in all that beauty. I contemplated her without saying a word. I was afraid I could scare her and I didn't want to interrupt her work. But it looked like she had a different opinion.
"Can you help me with something?" She said and her voice made me shiver.
"Yes, of course. What can I do?" I tried to look confident and not impressed.
"Could you please stay near the lake, wtih your back at me, so I can take a picture of you and the lake and the moon...You know...like..."
"I understood." I said smiling and I turned around."But I am not such a good model."
"You are perfect, don't worry. We are all models in our life, even for a moment."
"I have never thought about that. I haven't imagined myself as a model."
"Well, you haven't, but a photographer finds models everywhere. You have no idea when someone took a picture of you, just because it created the perfect image in his mind. It is even more interesting to catch people in their daily activities, not when they know. It is spontanious and it gives a sense of truth. And nowadays everybody is looking for the truth."
"I can't dissagree with you here. We are all looking for something in the end."
"What are you looking for?"
"A sense of life. A meaning. Someone who understands me."
"No one will ever understand you. Not completely. We are all alone in here and we have to learn to deal with this."
"Have you found out yet?"
"No. And I don't know if we are able to, because I know that we will always be looking for something. Something more. But it is ok. You can turn around now. Thank you so much, for posing for me." She said amused.
"It was all my pleasure. I have made a dream come true. To be a model."
"Which you have never known you had. Until now."
"Exactly." She was right. She could see through me.
"Well, I am glad I could help. That was also my dream. To make someone's dream come true. So, it was something new for me, too."
I smiled and she smiled back. I looked into her eyes and made me wonder whether she was real or not.
"I have to go now. Some other stories are waiting for me. Nice to meet you here." She said being ready to leave.
"Wait. Will I ever meet you again?"
"Do you really want to know the answer?" And she left and I looked at her since I couldn't see her anymore and than I found myself in my bed and the clock was ticking and it was time to go to college. And I still can't forget that."
He seemed so touched, so distracted by that. But it was my duty to talk to him. To tell him.
"My dear, those dreams don't make you feel good. Let's try to remediate them, don't you think?"
"But it wasn't a dream, I know I met her. I know I saw her there in the park."
"And even it it was, you couldn't be with her."
"Why?"
"Because you could never really love her."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because if that had been true, you would have known the answer by now."

The story of a demon...

The bucket list of an undecided person...

It comes a time when we have to take our jacket and see how we grew up. In a better or worse way, well that depends on everyone. But I don't know what to think about myself. Now I want something, then something else. It's tricky, I know, but what can I do?
I know I realized that one day, when a friend came to show me something that I thought I would never see again.
"Hey, look! I found something in one of your old books."
"What is it?"
"It seems to be a list, I don't know..."
"Let me see it!"He was right. It was a list, a list with things that I wanted to achieve in life. A piece of paper that made me remember my whole life and all the things I was afraid to do. "Indeed, it is kind of my bucket list."
"Really, a bucketlist?" He was both surprised and amused.
"C'mon. We all did that. At some point. We wanted to write down all the thing we dreamt of and hope one day we will check all of them."
"Maybe you did that." He joked.
"Oh, forget about it. It's nothing."
"No, I want to see." And he took it and I wasn\t able to stop him. Or maybe I didn't want to.
"Travel the world. That's a good one. But it's kind of a vast action."
"I know. I mean, I still want to travel, but I want to have that homesickness, which makes me to always come back. I need it."
"Ok. Sing in front of a large audience."
"Right, but when I am drunk probably, why would I make a fool of myself?"
"But where would be the fun then?"
"Just go on."
"Go and see a sunrise."
"Ok, but then go and sleep because it is too early. Believe me."
"Throw a big party."
"Yeah, I can do that, but can I leave after that, right? I mean, I really don't like parties." He showed me a strange look. But he knows I don't like those.
"Go to a blind date. I would like see that coming from you."
"People really enjoy that? You don't know that person and you could be so disappointed, but it can also be the other way around. I don't know, it's both fun and boring."
"Oh right, what else you wanted. Fly a helicopter, ride a rollercoaster."
"How can I do that when I am afraid of heights? What was I was thinking? Sorry, when I was young I wasn't thinking."
"You still aren't. You do realize that everything you say now it's completely different from what you believed in?"
"Not completely."
"Ok, then, what about this: kiss a stranger."
"And then slap them without no reason. I can check that, only that I was the one slapped."
"Ok, what else? Mentor someone."
"Good one, but tell them not to become like you, it is not never good."
"Number 13: do something incredible"
"But refuse to remember the result. Don't pay attention."
"Find your hero?"
"But never go after him, you will ruin the mystery."
"Sleep outside, under the stars."
"Why would I do that, there are bugs, noises and it's cold and who knows what else?"
"You are a total mess. But I like this:believe in something with all that you got, with every tear."
"But then believe the opposite. It's kind of interesting that way."
"I don't even know why I listen to you anymore. You have a response for everything that you wrote. It's like you are trying to argue with an old you."
I didn't know what to say. He made a point. I was doing that. I was mad at myself, but at my present self, not the other one. The old one was funny and adventurous and ready to change the world. The present one was just a shade of that.What I did all that time? Where I was? What happened with that person and his goals?
"I know it's hard to do all these things, but at least don't deny every one of them. Like this one for example: forgive myself."
"But never forget. You don't want to make the same mistake over and over again."
"That's actually a good advice. You see, you can do this. You can make a decision. It's only up to you."
And it was up to me. Still is. Only that I have to remember one point from my list: Don't keep a bucketlist, go there with an open mind.

Letter to the world...

  Dear world,

You know when you have that feeling that you don't belong somewhere. That everything you do it is not worth, that you are just a ghost trying to find a place, hoping for things to change, wanting that. But what can you do? I mean, it's not like you could change the world. The others are having fun, smiling, dancing, enjoying a life too short, ready to lose themselves in a few lame songs, some drinks and maybe an unwanted love. A love which they choose because they want to feel something, or want to make someone else not to feel. But why to do that? Why to make someone feel bad for your own entertainment? Why to be so cruel? Because that is humanity nowadays. A lot of people are having fun and you are trying not to cry because they screwed you. But you have to enjoy your life. You have to look them in the eyes and smile and don't care. Why would you do something else? It's not worth. You have this life. Those short days that pass in a blink of an eye.
I remember when I was little and I asked my grandpa "Why did you have to go to war? Did you want to be a hero?" and he said "No, I never wanted that. I never will. We didn't need heroes and we don't need them now. We need people. We need human beings. And at that time, that was the right thing to do." I looked at him with perplexity. What could have understood an eight years old boy. "No one will understand why you want to do some things. Some crazy things. I mean, there were people on the front who were always asking <why? why us? why we have to do this?> and they were screaming and crying and preying to go back to their wives and children. And some did that. Some didn't. That is life. But for me, when death was so close to me, I had never felt so alive in my life. We feel different. We want something else. We are different. You can't judge someone because you don't understand them. You just have to do what you love, because one day you won't have the chance anymore."
And then, when I grew up, I said to my mother "It's not fair. We are friends." and she said "Dear, friends leave. And things go on. Life doesn't stop for anybody." "But why?", I said. That question "why" that no one wants to hear because nobody knows the answer, but she still answered me "Because we all follow our own path. If we were to remain in the same place, without changes, how do you think this world would have looked?" "Faded." "Exactly and we wouldn't have been able to see things, to experience. And if you are meant to be friends, believe me, you will find your ways to each other. It's all just a matter of time." "But what if I don't have time?" "You just need to wait. And although patience will be your worst enemy, for some things you will have."
And one day, my son asked me "What is happiness?". What I could have answered to a little boy, but I tried "Happiness is when you get down from that tree unharmed althought I told you not to climb it in the first place. Happiness is when your friends leave and follow their heart. It's when you help someone in need. Happiness is when you wake up every morning and just live." "Are you happy?" he said. "I think I am." "But how can you know?" "Because I was and I am everything I wanted to. But are you also happy?" "Yes." "And how do you know?" "I don't. I just am."
And so I learnt another lesson. I realised that you can't explain everything. Things are going to happen anyway, so you better be ready for them.
I didn't write this letter to tell you some lessons, we are anyway attending different classes. But I just woke up this morning, from a bad dream, where I was supposed to say goodbye forever and the first thing that came to my mind was: I did nothing from what I wanted and now it is too late. So whatever you do, wherever you are, remember that there is still someone who believes in you: me.


Best wishes,
Just another human like you

Women are made to be loved, not understood. Oscar Wilde

- C'mon man, I really don't want to go there. I mean, what's the point? I am ok I don't need your help right now.
- If staying inside the whole time, watching movies or whatever and thinking about what you've done wrong means that you are ok, I don't want to see you upset or something. You need to go out Chris, meet new people, forget about the ones that left you.
- But I am not in the mood.
- Well, the mood will find you, so don't be such a kid and let's go.
So that is how I let myself dragged out of house by Jason and if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't probably learn so much that day. I should have thanked him,but he would have started to tease me  with that, so I said it was just the destiny. You know, when no matter what you do, things happen and you just have to accept them and go on and see what is there for you.
That is exactly what happened that night. We went into a bar and here I met someone who changed the way I saw the world. I mean, not completely, it wasn't that kind of thing, but what I heard was even more helpful than I expected.
It didn't take long and my friends started to have fun, maybe too much and I just wanted to leave already. I never liked those crowded places, with people who just want to show off sometimes and don't know what the hell they do; with music that doesn't have any sense and I don't know how they could dance and guys who just hit on girls and forget about the basic manners. In those bars you can't expect to find someone to have a great conversation with, but still, that night, I was staying at the bar, saying to myself that after that glass I was going to leave, when this girl, probably the most decent that I saw there, came by and ordered a beer. I thought that she was going to leave, but she just sat there and drinking her beer and watching the others.
- You are the most decent girl in here.
- I think I will take as a compliment, she said not even looking at me.
- I bet you are waiting for your big guy or the one with sun glasses there and he is too busy to dance with another, but still you hope to see you. I knew that would catch her attention.
And it did. She turned aroung and looked at me, but she didn't seem to care.
- No, I don't do that . I am here to explore or analyse let's say.
- That it's something interesting. And what have you seen by now?
- That you men in general have no idea how to treat a woman. You don't even know the basic rules.
- There are rules? Wow, that is something. And where can I find those rules? Is there a book or is it like in movies, when after years you proved your loyalty you are told those rules?
- See, you have no idea.You are as innocent as a lamb in this territory. To start with, we don't like men with sunglasses at night, like that one. And especially in a bar. They are not cool or I don't know what movie star. They should have a dog to guide them in this case.
I laughted. It was funny, but she was right. I thought that I should learn those things and who can tell you about women than a woman herself. So I sat there and listened.
- Also, even if you wear sunglasses or it's too dark outside, we always see when you look at another woman. Always. Or when you say that someone looks good, even an actress or a model. And we will never forget that because we remember forever. But this does't seem that it is always bad. We just want to know what you find attractive and what you like. And this goes to another thing, that we remember everything. What you said about us, abour our work, when you said it and in what circumstances. I know, sounds creepy, but in most of cases, that is the truth.
- That it is pretty interesting. Please, I want to hear the rest. You are such amazing creatures.
She smiled and took another sip of beer.
- And in this way, do not say something about our friends. Even if we had a bad argue with them. Don't forget that they were here since forever and our friends are not your enemies, but our enemies shouldn't be your friends.
- Ok, let's go to another lesson. I saw that some guys are just afraid to ask a girl out and send someone to do that, or just ask them through facebook. Well, that is the biggest mistake that you can do. If you don't even have the courage to do it personally, how do you expect her to trust you and say yes. Maybe you are a maniac. Who knows? But remember that no matter how shy you are or how you look, it's flattering when you ask us out personally. And you may have a big chance.
- Also you should try to be a gentleman. Open the door or offer a jacket and do not check your phone every ten minutes to see if the girl you had a crush on in the 8th grade liked your post about the latest episode from a tv show with vampires. It is just not right. Also we love when you pay attetion at what we like and you order our favorite ice cream, but when we ask you what outfit we should wear, expect us to pick the other one.
- We like when you take care of your body. You don't have to look like Johnny Depp, but if your nails are longer than ours, just go and don't look back. Oh and remember that the concept of premenstrual syndrome is not just an excuse to be mad at you. It's the best excuse. 
- Well, that says something. Another round for the lady. She looked at me, with a bit of a smile on her face. What? I said something wrong, I asked.
- I see that you already know some lessons. I still looked at her surprised. We like when you call us a lady and especially when you say: another glass for the lady.
- That means you are not the only ones who understand youselves. And that I am also as good at this subject as a woman. Right? But I would still like to see if two women could get along with this kind of subject. I mean, you are not always so kind, as we would like you to be I have to say, to each other.
She laughted. I smiled. I hit something there.
- You have another point. I know that you think about us being "that kind" to each other, but I have to say that sometimes we think about that to. And that because we like to play games with you and we are very good at them.
I didn't know what to say. I knew that she was something special. I mean, you don't meet everyday someone to talk about those things. And with a stranger. She finished her beer and stood up.
- Are you leaving already?
- Well you were a good student, but my class is over. It was enough for tonight.
- But can I least have you number?
- I would say that it is no good to fall for your teacher, but sure. Give me your phone.
She wrote her number and left.
- Is there a rule when I should call you?
- You know there is a 3 days rule. We hate that rule.

How to live someone else's life...

"Dear Amber,

Do you remember the first time we heard "Crazy"on the radio and we knew that, from that moment, our life was going to be different? How in a second every smile, every touch and every lame joke you said made sense to me? Yeah, you were crazy, perhaps insane, but I didn't want someone else to discover that and I was crazy too, maybe that's why I fell for you. Maybe it's all a part of a master plan, but I don't care, why should I? I know I will feel the same even when we are 80. When we can't walk without each other and we will spend our time trying to remember how it was at that Aerosmith concert. Or how we didn't talk an entire day, just because I didn't let you the last piece of chocolate. I know I am not going to do that mistake again. EVER. I learnt my lesson.
But we are still young, we have enough time to make new memories, new mistakes. I can't wait to. I know you will think I am a fool, but at least you accepted me that way. That is the best part, we are accepting each other because we were and we will always be best friends. That is why I never felt weird around you, I just felt happy.
I know you will laugh when you will come from work and you will read this, but you know I am kind of a nerd about those things, so I couldn't help it. Just enjoy it and don't forget to bring your coat, it is going to be a little bit cold tonight.

Happy birthday darling,
Yours one and only husband and lame jokes listener"


" Hello my dears,

I know I should have written you earlier, but every time I try I can't find my words. What can I actually say? I know you miss me, but now this is all that I have ever dreamed about. I traveled to Peru and I finally saw Machu Picchu. You won't believe the view, being surronded by mountains and watching the world like you would be on the top of it. Then we went to Thailand and stood all the night on the beach watching the stars. I always wondered if there are two people who watch the sky at the same time and see the same things. And we moved to Cambodia. You know I always wanted to see the temples in Angkor. You won't believe how beautiful it is to be in the center of those historical sites.
Right now I am somewhere safer let's say. I am in Maldives, in Vaadhoo Island and I admire the Sea of stars. It's something that changes your life forever once you've seen it. I can't even describe it. It's like I can touch the sky or step on it. I wish you were here with me. And feel the same way. Maybe it was hard to choose to leave, but traveling and actually making a living from it, it's something that we all wish for. So I don't regret anything.
I don't know when I will see you, but I want you to know I am ok and I couldn't be happier. Maybe one day you will understand my choice.

Yours,
Sophie"

- Ok, fellas, it's 8, we have to go. That's enough work for a day.
- Just one moment! I have to save those.
- Ok, Jamie, I know you are our best card writer, but you need some time for yourself.
- I am ready, I am ready. That's all.
- Don't listen to him. He's jealous. We know how passionate you are about your writing.
- Thanks!
- By the way, how are you? How it's Cate?
- I am good, I think. And Cate...well, she is leaving...
- What?
- Yeah, that was my reaction too.
- But how? Why? I don't get it.
- I don't know. She said that I am living through other people's eyes too much and I forgot about my own life. But you know, that is my job. That means to be a writer...

I am not crazy...

 - You know, I've never told you how happy I was when you were born. When they brought you into my arms and I saw your little face. I actually thought you were ugly...
- C'mon! I was beautiful!
- No, you you're not, but you were my little thing and I loved you from the very first time. I was completely lost, I didn't know what that meant, what I had to do, but I learned. In time. And it was an amazing experience. I tried to do my best.
- And you did.
- Not always. I remember when I let you alone for like...10 seconds, and you fell from bed and you started crying. I felt that was the biggest mistake I had ever done by then. But there were a lot after that. I remember when you came to me crying, you were like 5 or 6, because you got down from a tree and your dress was broken.
- But that wasn't your fault.
- I know, but I felt like it was because I let you climb that tree. What kind of parents let their little girl to climb a tree, in a dress.
- The good ones.
- Yeah, in your mind maybe. But that passed also and I realised that those things seemed so big at that time, but they are so insignificant. I remember when you learnt how to ride a bike, how to swim, to roller skate and how scared and happy you were. Do you remember your first day of school?
- Kind of...
- Well, I remember that very well. You were so little between those kids, but ready for the action. You never gave up and you did exactly what you wanted. I was so proud because of that. You weren't like the others. You were different. There were times when I wanted you to be more girly, but I realised that, no matter what I think, that was you and it was enough.
- But I drove you crazy sometimes.
- Of course, you did, every child has this ability. I actually think that is your job, until you leave. I can practicaly see the day when you came to me and said that you fell in love.
- I can see that too.
- You know, for a parent, that is a thing that you expect but you are never prepared to hear. I mean, you were 18, it was normal, but it was like a new life was in front of you and it was only your choice. I couldn't do anything about it.
- But you did great.
- Yeah, I gave you my life lessons and all that stuff, but that didn't matter. You had to discover the life from your perspective, not mine. I don't know how you found it, but I hope you enjoyed it at least.
- I loved it. Even my first year of college, when I actually thought that I was gonna drop out school.
- Yeah, it was also a hard thing for me when you left. I said " What I am going to do only with your father? We are both crazy." but that's how things are supposed to be. They have to go forward. In different ways. We can't change the rules of universe. We can't chose what it is meant to be.
- Things go their ways, even if we like it or not.
- That's right...
- Mrs. Howard, are you there?
- I am here, Henry. C'mon in!
- Mrs. Howard, lets go!
- But I am talking with my daughter here...
- It's time to take your meds, you know the rules.
- But I don't wanna go right now, please don't...
- Don't force me to take you.
- I don't want!!!!!
- Peter, Eric, take her, she is talking again with her lost daugther.
- Nooooo!!!
- If she doesn't calm down, you know what to do.
- But my daughter...
- Mom, please, let it go! You know I am no longer here...



Out in stores now "The story of a demon", be ready to release the demon hidden in all of us: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NGNEG4E

The closest to heaven that I'll ever be...

- Can I use your name in my story?
- What's the point after all? People will see the name and not the story. I don't want to interfere with your message.
- But don't you want the world to see how you really are and that you give interviews to someone just to create a story?
- Actually I don't want to draw attention. I am happy the way I am. But don't get me wrong, if you want to use my name I have nothing against it. It's your entire choice. I won't be mad.
I saw that she was telling the truth. She was used with getting a lot of attention and this could be some good advertising for her, because after all she was an actress. But she was still simple and down to earth and I really wanted to as her a few questions.
- So, first of all, have you always wanted to be an actress or someone pushed you to?
- People pushed me to do a lot of things and I did some of them. Of course, it was stupid, but this was something they tried to push me away from, so...I can't say that I wanted to do this since I was born. C'mon, you don't even know how to eat without putting something on your shirt when you are little, so who says that they wanted this since they were kids, they are lying. But it doesn't mean that they don't love it.
So, here she was. Breaking every concept that I had thought before. She knew who she was and that was shy she was running from cliches, from being a part of a category where everybody is the same. She seemed confident and didn't care about what you might think.
- And how you entered in this industry, after all?
- I really don't know. It isn't something you choose, it finds you. You see, I tried to do a lot of things and then I wanted to act and I knocked on doors and I ran and I worked my ass off and I forgot about the people in my life and with all of that nothing. But I never gave up. That's important.
- Yeah, but maybe something it is not meant to be.
- You're right and you will know when you have to stop. You see, my faith was walking on broken glass, I was just a shadow of someone else's thoughts, but I was sent a star that thought me how to shine.
- Those are big words.
- No, please. I don't wanna say big words. She smiled. I had never seen before so much simplicity from someone so complicated.
- But I learnt that when you are on strange tides, you need that little bit of luck you have always tried to deny. I learnt from the bad character what means to be kind. I saw that people can change overnight and all you have to do is let them go. I learnt that, on a set, you can have the best cast, director, writer, but if you don't have the best one who holds the microphone, put the lights ot the one who brings coffee and food, the film won't be as good as you would like to be.
- Excuse me, but how old are you exactly? I asked amused and surprised. She smiled again.
- 25, well almost 26.
- That's impressive. I would like to be like you one day, although nobody gives a damn about what I want.
- Don't worry about them. I wasn't supported too much, but one day, a teacher told us: " Do what you want in life. You will see that it won't feel like work and the end won't even matter because all that will matter will be the journey."
- Wise words.
- Indeed. It was the second time when someone's words touched my heart. It felt good, you know. It felt real.
- I know.
Then it was a moment of silence. Me thinking about what I really wanted, she probably asking herself if she made the right choice.
- But have you ever wondered that maybe this wasn't the best way and all will go down.
- Oh, so many times. I became everything I wasn't supposed to be, but this brought me the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and right now...I don't wanna go home.

I choose, I pay...that's the rule

 I could hear her crying. Screaming. And I wasn't able to do anything. It was my fault. All of that situation. And I was going to pay for my actions.
- Please! Stop! This must be a mistake! But it was't, only that I was a coward to tell. I tried to make things right and I hoped this would never happen and so they wouldn't find out. But things go their own way and there's nothing we can do.
- Tell them! Tell them there is no way you did that. Tell them, Josh! Please! I could stand seeing her crying and my kid looking at me with no expression. At least they were taking me from there and I could escape from their looks for a while.
- You can come and see him in 24 hours! And we left and they remained there. But I wasn't able to see them anymore.
The first hours were also the worst. Being lonely in a cell, for the first time, it isn't exactly a nice feeling. In those moments everything that I had done passed through my mind. How I became involved in a drug business when I was in my twenties and what life I had. Being drunk and high almost everytime. And then I met Lisa. I didn't take it too serious, but she was good and when she found out what I was doing she helped me. Those were the worst weeks of my life. I was sick. Trembling. Sweating. Trying to resist the temptation. I was sure I was gonna die, but it looked like there were other things for me to do.
After that I knew that I needed her and I couldn't let her go. And so I decide I wanted a family, a real one. So, Michael was born and he became the center of our life. I was finally happy. I had all that you would want, but we can't change the past and sometimes it comes after you.
I entered in a dark period in my life and so I resume my old habits. It was the only thing that I was actually good at. It felt good. I don't know why, but that was the kind of lifestyle that I liked. That made me feel alive. You know all that adrenaline. The feeling that you can be caught at any moment. That became like a drug. And after that, nothing seemed to be the same. I wasn't the same man. I was gone for hours. Days. Nights. I was in a rolercoaster of emotions. And that is how I ended there. In prison. The place where I actually deserve to be. The place where being able to feel the sun is one of the most precious things.
The hours passed and I could see my family. For the first time in a place where no one wants to see their loved ones. It was the hardest part. My son didn't even want to look me in the eyes. My wife wasn't scared anymore, not even angry. She was disappointed and that was worse. I knew that she would accept a lot of things from me, but this wasn't one of them. I was lost and she helped me, but doing it againd was the end of it.
- I am sorry! I knew words couldn't change what I did, but she deserved an apology. I expected her to say something, but it didn't happen. I know I am a loser and nothing can be changed now, but...
- Why? she said without any expression. But what I could say. I didn't even know why.
- I just...there's no explanation for what I did.
- I know.
- I am sos sorry, I really am. I don't know what to say to Michael.
- Nothing. You said it yourself. There isn't much to say. Her words killed me, but she was right. I didn't know what to say anymore. It was useless.
- Just tell Michael that you were right: I disappointed all of you and I can't change that. Apologising won't change it so I will accept your decision and I will pay for my actions.
She stand up and kissed me on the forehead.
- I forgive you and she turned back and she left. She didn't say goodbye, but I knew that was goodbye. I was goind to prison and she was free. I was goind to live there 3 or 4 or maybe more years of my life and she was going to travel, do what she always wanted and visit me from time to time and bring me a gift or something. I was going to miss my son's most important events and she was going to be there.
I was going to get out of there one day, but she wasn't going to be in my life anymore...

You see, that means life...

- I don't even know what to say now.
- Why is that? I looked at her. She was a nice old lady. You could see that she wasn't used to talk too much about her.
- Because nobody asked me about what I was doing. It is not so interesting and after all no one actually cares.
- It is their business, but for me is impressive to find out that you worked 50 years at a train station. There must have been a few interesting stories.
I saw a spark in her eyes. I was happy to see that I could bring back to life some memories.
- Well, I saw a lot of people everyday. Coming, leaving. They were there to welcome someone ot to say goodbye. They were lonely people who took the train only to forget about problems, or couples who went on a surprise trip. Angry, happy, nervous, busy, lost people. I saw al kinds of them.
I even took part of a proposal. She was coming back from Paris where she had a scholarship for a few month. When she got off the train he was waiting at a table with a violonist and proposed her. She said yes, of course and the next day I saw them again buying some tickets and after that I have never seen them. Probably they went on a trip, or who knows maybe they moved to Paris. But I was so happy that I could see a part of the life and I even wanted to receive a proposal like that.
- And did you?
- You young people...you want to find out things too quickly. I will tell you, of course, but be patient.
- Sorry, sorry, but I told you it was interesting.
- After that, things were pretty the same, until I saw this boy, everyday, at the exact same hour, taking the same train. It didn't seem something unusual, but everything has an end. And one day he showed up at the station but he didn't take the train and he sat there until the next day. That was a thing that couldn't pass unnoticed so I went to him.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm sorry, I dind't want to..."He was practically asleep.
"Don't worry. It is nothing, but you spent the whole night here and I am pretty sure that it is not ok."
"No, no, I just...I will just go."
"Hey, easy, let me buy you a coffee."
"I don't want to bother you..."
"It's ok, I just finished my shift and you seem like you need a pretty good coffee."
- We went to the near shop and here we started to talk. He told me that his sister was sick and he was staying here and had to visit her everyday at the hospital. And that one day she passed away, but he still went to see her grave to talk to her. He felt like it was his responsability, until the other day when he couldn't do it anymore. He wanted so much to step on that train, but something didn't let him. It was time to let her go. I was so impressed by his story that I almost cried, but he didn't let me. He said that wasn't a sad story, it was actually a happy one because that was a sign that she finally found her peace. And since that day we were really close and saw each other almost everyday. And we became more than friends and one day my boss came to me with some news that made me to feel like everything was falling apart in my life for the first time.
"I received some bad news, your boyfriend was in an accident and he asked for you. You need to take this train right now."
I didn't need to think twice about it and I stepped on that train the next second. And there I saw it. From the entrance and through the whole hall there were a few persons with a rose in their hands. I followed them and there was him, in his knees with a little box in his hand and that was the second time I was so nervous.
"Will you marry me?"
- And you said yes!
- Will you let me tell my story?
- Sorry, sorry again.
"Yes, yes, of course" It was my dream proposal and he was there. "But we will talk home about the fact that I almost died today because of you."
"We will talk whatever you want."
And so we got married. And life went forward how it is supposed to be. We had a child. We watched him grow and we watched him leave and make a life on his own. That is how things work.
- Darling...I heard a voice and an old man entered into the room. Sorry to interrupt, but Sebastian called. He said he will come tomorrow with everybody.
- Thank you, my dear. It is ok, we are almost done...But you were right, that train station is a part of me. I welcomed people in my life there and I let them go. You see, that means life.

What makes us girls...

There was a time when, no matter what others said, we had so much fun. We didn't care about consequences, about what was going to happen. Our teacher even said that we would never make it. That was, let's say, the first part of a long journey.
I remember that, one night, a friend called me to pick up my best friend. She was at some party and I couldn't go that time. When I got there she was sitting in front of the house, waiting and you could see she had a few more beers than she should have. I helped her to get in the car.
- I can't tell how much I hate those guys, she said. I just wanted to stay a little longer. What's wrong with that? She was serious, but she sounded so funny, barely being able to keep her head up. So I tried not to make fun of her.
- I know. I know. They don't know what they lost.
- Exactly. I mean...I could go that way all night and...dance...I like to dance...
She wasn't coherent anymore, so the rest of the conversation wasn't something that I could remember. I took her up in our room and she continued speaking even after that. I put her in bed.
- I think I am just gonna go back and tell them that they were jealous of my dance. Yeah, that's what I am gonna do.
But she didn't. She fell asleep immediately and that was just one night in college. That was how we took care of each other. It was nice. Everytime one was in trouble, the other was ready to get her out of there. Of course there were times when we both did the same mistake, but that was even funnier.
After that we grew up and each other became a thing or another, focused ourselves on something else. And here came the second part in our lives, when you realise what it is good for you. What you really want.
She had a nice house, a husband and a baby coming. I had my dream job and a boyfriend. We changed so much and we weren't the same girls from college.
- So, when are you leaving? she asked surprised.
- In two days.
- And for how much?
- I don't know. It could be a year, two or maybe more.
After that was a moment of silence. I knew that day had to come, but I din't know it would be like that.
- But you are expecting a baby. I am having my dream come true. We did our best, don't you think?
- I know, but we were a great team.
- I know. And I hugged her. I didn't want to cry, but nothing was gonna be the same. But don't worry, we will talk.
And we did. For a while. But then we got busy, it wasn't like you see that person at least once a week or you can call her everyday. And then there came a time when we didn't talk in months.
After a few years I came back for a vist and I ran into her. It was nice to see how much we changed again. This was the last part of this journey. I realised how we are the result of our choices. How some things are meant to be and others not.
I saw then why we don't stay together. We are cursed to find that one thing that we would die for, even if it is a dream, love or job and let it kills us because this is what makes us girls...