Letter for toxic people...

Dear toxic human beings, 

You know what really drives me crazy? People...people who don't appreciate what you offer them, your words, your kindness, your time, which I have to say, this is fucking expensive. Think, you will never be able to give me back that time I spend with you. I don't care about money right now, I will make others, but time, time won't come back. And oh, how much time I spent on you. You could have at least thanked me, but no, you were too proud, too not interested. And what was I? Well probably a fool, that is right. I could have been in a better place now, but no, you kept me with you. I cut my wings for you so I could not fly away. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to pull something that you love so much out of your whole body?  No, you don't, because for you nothing is important. It is just you. I know that we should love ourselves more and I do that too, but I also loved you. I guess right now it doesn't matter.
But it is ok. It is actually perfect. I want to say you a thing. I have never felt more free like now. And I don't even have my wings. No darling. I have a whole plane just for myself. And I will fly business class now, not like before. I will go to Italy, France, China, anywhere. I will see the whole world. I will not stay here as I did with you. I won't see the same face everyday, the same views. No dear, I will have a lot of memories as you've never thought of before. I will meet people who will appreciate my kindness, my time. Yeah, that is the way I want to spend my time, creating memories, doing actual things, not only talking about them. Yeah darling, maybe I will never have money, I will never be rich, as you said. I will be so broke by going to those places, but at the same time you have no idea how rich I will be, for sure richer than you.

Yours, well not yours, mine,

J.

Late night thinking...

"Do you realize the secret language we have with some persons? What signs, nuances, or mimics. The tones and notes we are able to reach while talking to them. And have you noticed that those persons are so rare? I mean only a few in our entire lives. Think! Only a few persons or even only one is capable to reach to you entirely. Isn't it that strange? And isn't it more scary if you think that maybe you will not spend your entire life with those people? You know that someone said <our love is our ego>."
"I don't want to think about what might happen. I just want it to be simple."
"But don't you realize how powerful you are? What effect you have on me? On everyone around you? You - the sweet child, excited for life; you - the demon, craving for possession; you - the near-prostitute, prepared for bitterness. How can I not think about losing you when you say you want something simple, but your eyes are the reflection of a miracle, of something so much bigger then this "simple"?" 
"My dear, don't try to seize all those voluptuous feelings on me, because you know I was so trapped into reality, but you brought imagination to me. You reached to me through the simplest way. You taught me to talk to evade myself. I still remember the smell of the perfume I felt when I came into your house the first time. Do you remember what I said then?"
"That you wanted some to carry it around with you."
"See, it was that simple. And do you know which is the moment I will always remember from when we first met?"
"I don't think I know."
"Well, I will tell you. It is the moment when we stayed out late and talked about how scary life is and how we don't know what we are going to do and how some people left us and where we want to travel and how in the end everything will be as it is supposed to be. That was all, simple conversation, without complications between us, without questions about what it all meant. No. That was pure. You don't have to endure many torments thinking about losing people. You just have to be glad that you had those moments with them."
I looked at her. I would have liked to tell her that I was ready to lay blood at her feet, that she could tear me apart easily and I was willing to sacrifice. I would have liked to tell her that I was never so strong as she was and I will never be, that my whole body trembled when she walked, that I felt her voice in my veins. That she was a delicate perversion. But there was no need in saying that, no need for complications and things that she already knew. She didn't need someone to admire her courage, she just needed simple.