The questions...the one who answers
"It is quiet in the whole building. Maybe they are away or just sleeping. How could I know? I don't know all of them, just a few. I have always loved the silence. There is something in it that makes me see the world clearly. I am strange. I know I am. I think about so many things. So diverse.
For example, a few days ago I was thinking how would it be if I treated everything easily. Like I can be happy, no matter what. Like I would be always in a state of mind which wouldn't allow me to cry. It was good, what can I say. It was like I was high all the time. Maybe that was the problem.
And the I thought if someone, beside my family, would care if I left. If I went far, far away or if I simply stopped breathing. Yes, it is a strange thought, but don't we all have it? What it would be to no longer exist? Would someone actually care? And if, for how long?"
"Please, don't think that. I know you all think about death a few times in your life, but why would you do it now?"
"Because I don't think there is a time when you can do it. And because I am lonely."
"How so, tell me more. You don't seem like a lonely person."
"No one seems. They just are. We all pretend to be happy. We all say that it is ok. But how many actually mean it? Yes, I have friends. Yes, I talk to them and they listen to me. But they don't hear me. Not all of them. They don't hear how with every word, with every phrase I tell them how miserable I feel.
It is a strange feeling, you know? And sometimes you get attached, because we are humans. We are looking for warmth, for emotions. But you see, with every step that you get close to them, you realise that you will never pass the bridge that it is between you two. You will make fun of each other staying at the two opposites parts of the bridge. You can hear them, you can see them, but you will never be close to them. And you will still try so hard to reach that person, because you see others on that side of the bridge and wonder how they did it. And because we like to make ourselves suffer, I don't know why. And even if you will get close enough in the end, that person will cross the bridge and you will be far from each other again. Because people leave. And they forget about you."
"But still, that doesn't happen with everybody."
"I know, but I saw those days, when no one was here, that everybody moves on. They tell you they care. They smile to you. They laugh. But they go away with every word. No one stays forever. It's impossible."
"That's life."
"Maybe. Maybe I am mad. Maybe I care too much when there is no need. Maybe I deserve to be miserable. It's in my nature."
"I want you to stop thinking like that. People come and go. You will meet so many people along the road."
"But what if I care too much and they don't?"
"Then you will be hurt. But that doesn't mean that you'll be hurt forever."
"But what if I don't find someone else like that person?"
"Well, you won't. But will you want to? If it had been supposed to be special, it would have stayed on your side of the bridge."
"How can you be sure? How do you know I am not meant to live a solitary life? Miserable and lonely, cursing my soul for the things that it feels."
"Because there are so many like you. And they will find you. One day! Wouldn't you want to spend some time alone, but one day to find your happiness?"
"Yes."
"That requires sacrifice. That asks for misery. For doubt. For loneliness."
"Maybe you are right."
"Maybe I am. It is good to put your heart in something, but so you know, you will always get hurt. Even if it means to last or not."
"Cause we are sinners?"
"Because you are human. And that's your weak point."
"Why did you choose that to be our weak point?"
"Because that's also the strongest point. You'll just have to accept it."
"But it hurts really bad."
"I know, it hurt when I let you choose on your own. It hurts every time I see you crying and being in pain for those choices."
