When the world is in a hurry, but you are beautiful...

Fall in love with the sunrise, because it's the thing that shows you have survived another day.
Fall in love with the the sun, it helps you grow.
Fall in love with the rain, with its sound, it can be the most peaceful thing you will ever hear in this life.
Fall in love with nature, in any season, it shows you, even if everything is different every time, it is still beautiful.
Fall in love with the darkness, it shows you the stars everytime you want to stay quite and count them.
Fall in love with good music, not everything that media is trowing at us, learn to listen what you really like, not what it's popular. And be proud about it,
Fall in love with good books, try to read more, learn to distinguish between a man of culture and a man of simple words.
Fall in love with your dreams, keep them warm, help them grow, turn them into reality.
Fall in love with traveling, realise that only by getting lost you can find yourself again.
Fall in love with healthy food,lose the bad habit of eating fast food. Try to stay healthier.
Fall in love with your time, appreciate it, take it slow, try not to do eveything fast, look around you, everybody is in a hurry, nobody stops to look around them.
Fall in love with every breath you take, and take deep ones, you are so lucky to be here, you are blessed.
Fall in love with optimistic people, let them make your day brighter, let them fill your life with smiles and happiness.You won't need medicine, you will need just some time to reflect after realising how simple it is to be happy if you let things go.
Fall in love with hugs and kisses, they also release stress. Give them and receive them! Thank those people who make you feel good!
Fall in love with kind people, those beautiful hearts that restore your faith in humanity, those people that are there when you need them the most.
Fall in love with change and differences, they can led to one of the most amazing things in your life.
Fall in love with the person who looks at you like you are his/her life, who watches you sleep, who makes your heart beat faster, who makes you fall in love with him/her every time you wake up.
But before all, fall in love with yourself and all of those will come as it was meant to be!!!

Do you want to...?

It is believed that any kind of relationship, even if we talk about friendship or a love relationship starts with a look. A simple look into the eyes of the other will tell whether you like that person or not. But can you like that person right away and then, after even a long time realise that you don't longer have a connection with them anymore? Is it possible after knowing all of their secrets and doing so many things together to become even bored by their presence or see how you have changed and your interests are completely different? You are completely different.
Then you should imagine the other one asking you a few question:

Do you want me to take you out of your comfort zone and scare you so much that you don't know what to do, but you will find out? Do you want me to make you smile, cry, laugh and curse? All at the same time? Do you want to go camping and have the best time of our life? Do you want me to go out without telling you and then not speak for an entire week? Do you want to own a pet like it was our child and then argue because I should have taken it out, but I was too lazy to move from the couch that day? Do you want to go on a trip, just the two of us, sleep in motels or our car and then return when everybody was so scared that we got murdered and never come back? Do you want to build a house for birds and then see how empty it is during the winter? Do you want to dance in the living room and then make love in front of the fire place and fall asleep there? Do you want me to get so drunk and feel so sick that you get mad and start crying and I can't even raise my eyes from the toilet? Do you want to watch the sunrise on the beach and just lay there, without thinking about what tomorrow might have for us? Do you want me to make you feel so miserable that you pack your things and leave for a while? Do you want me to make you so gealous that you can't find me for days, no matter what you do and then just show up? Do you want to know my friends and not like them and suffer to see changing myself in front of them? Do you want to watch movies until the next day and feel so tired that we can't open our eyes? Do you want to go to the mountains, stay around a fire place and talk about our childhoods? Do you want me to bring you little gifts, when there is nothing to celebrate, but the air that we breath? Do you want to drink one of the best coffees of your life, in one of the coolest places that we will be to and call that our spot? Do you me to make you sad because I don't care what I do with my life and just f*** around?  Do you want to see how much we changed and how different we are from each other that we can't be like we were before anymore? Do you want me to walk around the house naked? Do you want me to fall asleep in your lap, while you tell me stories? Do you want to be us against the entire world?Do you want to live like this is the last day of our lives? Do you want to carry around a camera and take pictures and then cry looking at them because we are not together anymore? Do you want to see us growing apart and eventually not speaking?


If your answer is yes to all of those questions, then you know you met the right person.

Every time you smile I wish for you

 There are so many people we meet during our life. Some that we forget, others we wish to forget but we can't, some that will never leave and others that will, but have such a great impact that will let us with traces of their presence everywhere and forever. And those are the "lost" ones. They wonder through places and time, they are here to live, they are here to watch the nightime sky and see the dances of the billions stars. They are here to make you see in the deepth of your heart and realise how human you are. How weak we are as we crave for affection, for emotions.
There is nothing more poisonous than the human heart. It likes to feel things, it likes to be taken care by someone else and be ripped out of the body, broken and shattered, turned into million pieces and then put back into its vessel, trying to find its place, to recover. But it is a long process. You can easily forgive, but you can't easily forget. That is the hardest part of being human.
And there comes the time when you wish you weren't, when you shout to yourself that you'd better disappear because it is not worth it. But what if it is? What if every thing that happens leads you to where you are supposed to be? Every person you meet, every one you lose, every glass you break, every time you said "Hello" with a smile or every time you said "Goodbye" with tears in your eyes, what if all of these mean something?
There are only a few people who understand that everything and everyone has an ending. That it is the sad truth about the miracles, that they don't last forever. And those people are the happiest, because the stones hanging on their hearts, hoping to relive the same moments, fall into an abyss of self-acceptance. All the tears they shed, leave no mark on their lives. All the times they feared not to break things that are already broken are forgotten. And those are the times when we know we are ready to go to our own path.
"I hate the way she moves around when she doesn't care anymore. It's like the whole world opens to her and I am not allowed through that door. I hate when I know I won't see that smile, but someone else will enjoy it.", he said in a low voice and guilt could be felt in it.
"If we know a person was going to change or leave, we would hold to the memories we had with them even thighter. But we don't. We can't see the moment coming. And when it does we know life is not just an old break-up song, it is an entire symphony."

"But I can feel her presence everywhere. In every person she met, in every corner at the street she passed by, in every stone she touched and I will cherish her until my last day, because she is poison to my world and that is how I want to die."
He knew he couldn't sleep anymore, until the days his bones were completely tired and all the energy he invested in remembering everything was completely gone. And in that day she would come by and press her soul to his chest and he would knew that he would finally wish for her and let go and that moment will live forever.

When the universe was young and I wasn't there

Who wouldn't like a lego house? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you like to live in a small wooden house in the park? Well, maybe right now, most people would say no, but a child would definetely say yes.
Such a beautiful atmosphere right now. They are running. Screaming. Playing. Crying. All at once. No one can do those things beside children.
"I want on that plane, mom! Please! I want up there!" he said enthusiastic. She didn't say no. She grabbed him and put him there. "This is so cool. I am a pilot."
"Of course you are." He didn't say thank you, but the happiness on his face was enough for her. Can you imagine being a mother until you actually become one? It is not so easy as you think. Not at all. It is the hardest thing and yet the most satisfing. But not all of us are meant to be parents, as others would say. No, it takes so many things to be one and as we know, we are not the same.

"Can I climb on that? Pleeease, please, please! You know I will be careful. Look, he is doing it and he is up there. Please!"
"Ok, let your bag here and be careful." The old man took his bag and sat on a bench watching him. He just finished his program in kindergarden and everyday, at that hour, they stayed for about half an hour in the park."
"Thank you, grandpa." The grandpa, after a while, started to enjoy his book. He knew that Denis was going to be ok. He looked, from time to time, at him. All he ever wanted was Denis to be happy. And for now, he was.

"Grandma, mom doesn't let me use the slide. Tell her that it is ok. I've done that before. Please!" Little Jenny knew how to manipulate people. She was so little, but she had an amazing ability. A great actress, you could say.
"C'mon dear. I let you do a lot of other worse things and I think you grew up pretty ok. A little bit nervous and uptight, God knows why. I wasn't like that, but still a nice person."
"Thank you, thank you for the encouragment now. This is great. Now she will want to climb a tree or who knows what?"
"Can I do that?"
"For God's sake, no Jenny! See?"
"Let the poor kid enjoy her childhood. It will pass so quickly. I know that is what happened with mine. Oh, how much I would like to be a kid again. Not to care about anything. To measure every day in laughter, in games or in the stars that you start counting at night. So simple. So beautiful."
The younger woman didn't say anything. Her mother was right. That was a time everybody wants back, but no one gets it. The obstacles of life. So many. So hard to understand.

I went a little bit further in that playground and I got close to a little wooden house where I heard noises. I got closer to see.
"And one day, I will grow up and I will take you and dad on a trip around the world. We will see everything. The pyramids, the mountains, the castles. Everything."
"You have big plans there."
"Of course, I do. If I don't make big plans, the little ones will take over and I don't want that. I want to be what I dream."
"We all want that, darling."
"Yeah, but I will do it."
So much enthusiasm. Such an attitude. And courage. It is so simple to be kid. To believe in everything. To think that all is possible.
This is such a young universe, too bad I am not like that anymore. Too bad right now I am just haunting those places, wishing for something long gone. Too bad I lost the child inside of me. DO NOT DARE TO DO THAT!

The questions...the one who answers

"It is quiet in the whole building. Maybe they are away or just sleeping. How could I know? I don't know all of them, just a few. I have always loved the silence. There is something in it that makes me see the world clearly. I am strange. I know I am. I think about so many things. So diverse.
For example, a few days ago I was thinking how would it be if I treated everything easily. Like I can be happy, no matter what. Like I would be always in a state of mind which wouldn't allow me to cry. It was good, what can I say. It was like I was high all the time. Maybe that was the problem.
And the I thought if someone, beside my family, would care if I left. If I went far, far away or if I simply stopped breathing. Yes, it is a strange thought, but don't we all have it? What it would be to no longer exist? Would someone actually care? And if, for how long?"
"Please, don't think that. I know you all think about death a few times in your life, but why would you do it now?"
"Because I don't think there is a time when you can do it. And because I am lonely."
"How so, tell me more. You don't seem like a lonely person."
"No one seems. They just are. We all pretend to be happy. We all say that it is ok. But how many actually mean it? Yes, I have friends. Yes, I talk to them and they listen to me. But they don't hear me. Not all of them. They don't hear how with every word, with every phrase I tell them how miserable I feel.
It is a strange feeling, you know? And sometimes you get attached, because we are humans. We are looking for warmth, for emotions. But you see, with every step that you get close to them, you realise that you will never pass the bridge that it is between you two. You will make fun of each other staying at the two opposites parts of the bridge. You can hear them, you can see them, but you will never be close to them. And you will still try so hard to reach that person, because you see others on that side of the bridge and wonder how they did it. And because we like to make ourselves suffer, I don't know why. And even if you will get close enough in the end, that person will cross the bridge and you will be far from each other again. Because people leave. And they forget about you."
"But still, that doesn't happen with everybody."
"I know, but I saw those days, when no one was here, that everybody moves on. They tell you they care. They smile to you. They laugh. But they go away with every word. No one stays forever. It's impossible."
"That's life."
"Maybe. Maybe I am mad. Maybe I care too much when there is no need. Maybe I deserve to be miserable. It's in my nature."
"I want you to stop thinking like that. People come and go. You will meet so many people along the road."
"But what if I care too much and they don't?"
"Then you will be hurt. But that doesn't mean that you'll be hurt forever."
"But what if I don't find someone else like that person?"
"Well, you won't. But will you want to? If it had been supposed to be special, it would have stayed on your side of the bridge."
"How can you be sure? How do you know I am not meant to live a solitary life? Miserable and lonely, cursing my soul for the things that it feels."
 "Because there are so many like you. And they will find you. One day! Wouldn't you want to spend some time alone, but one day to find your happiness?"
"Yes."
"That requires sacrifice. That asks for misery. For doubt. For loneliness."
"Maybe you are right."
"Maybe I am. It is good to put your heart in something, but so you know, you will always get hurt. Even if it means to last or not."
"Cause we are sinners?"
"Because you are human. And that's your weak point."
"Why did you choose that to be our weak point?"
"Because that's also the strongest point. You'll just have to accept it."
"But it hurts really bad."
"I know, it hurt when I let you choose on your own. It hurts every time I see you crying and being in pain for those choices."

What we really are

Why are we afraid of darkness?

I think too much and I realise how easy it is to get lost. I don't like this. I don't like being caught in a continuous wave of images, people, places, memories. I start to think that I don't like this world. And I see that it is true. I hate how people lose their humanity, how people believe they have been here forever. We weren't. I hate how there are people who think they can do everything to anyone, no matter the consequences. I hate how most of the young generation speaks to the elders, how they ignore their wisdown and laugh at thei needs. I hate when I see that there are men who still think that women are objects to play with and to break everytime time they feel that need. I hate everything that we have become.
And so I find myself driven into darkness, into a world that have scared us since we were children. And no matter how much we insist on the fact that we are brave enough to fight it, we still know that there is something that makes us shiver. Wonder. And that is fear. The thing that makes us human. That actualy keeps us alive. And into the dark, I look around and see nothing. I feel the cold wind and hear the silence. But then there is always someone talking to me. And its voice is like a whistling.
"Do you feel my presence?" it asks me.
"I do."
"But do you see me?"
"No." I say, a bit scared.
"Why are you afraid? There is nothing but darkness. And silence."
"But I hear you."
"No darling, that is the silence. When you start to understand it, you understand its voice. But go further. You will see why you are afraid."
"But I know that I am not afraid of darkness, but of what can be hidden in it."
"That is also true. But go. Let me take you there."
And I go with it, I don't know how. But with every step things are starting to reveal to me. I see faces. Young, old, lost, sad. I see animals, birds. I see people I have never met, fights, crying, storms, deaths, monsters. I see everything I don't like in this world. But then I see my family, my friends laughing. My dog running to me. Little kids fighting and then playing together. The sunset. The mountains. The sky. The stars. I see a car stopping in front of me and a beautiful soul coming and taking my hand. I feel the warmth. The love.The beauty. I feel everyting.
"Don't be scared. There are so many things in the darkness. You just have to choose. But let me show you the end of it."
And I let myself guided by that soul and in the moment it disappears I see two small lights coming to me. When they get closer I realise it is my dog. I wait for him, but before I could stretch my hand it turns into a snake and I start panicking.
"Don't be scared. Don't forget the silence!" And I realise it is the voice from the beginning. And its eyes. I know those eyes. They are mine. It is like I am looking into a mirror. And I realise after all that it is me. And I scream.I scream until my lungs are left out of air and I can barely breath. And then suddenly my eyes are blinded by light. I feel pain in my chest. But I like it. I realise how real it is. I realise I am back into the world that I dislike so much, where people seem to be hopeless.
But it makes me realise one thing. We are are not afraid of darkness because we can't see anything in it. We are afraid of it because we can see too much, because it can show us our conscience, our demons. It can reveal who we really are...

Killing my conscience...

We are in this room, where light barely can enter. We are not looking at each other. How could we? We are two people who were once so close and now, even if we share the same space, it is like an entire century is between us and those are just different worlds. And maybe this is what it is. Maybe we are in the same room, but in different times. Maybe we are still trying to remember the lost times and go back to the past. But it can't be right. I killed him. Yes, I let him standing there, alone, in pain, watching me leaving, cursing me, using words I hadn't known he was capable of. But he was. When people are hurt they show their true self. They show you how much you don't know about them after a lifetime. They show you how words are the most powerful weapon they can use against you.
"I was your friend. I was there." His voice showed anger, but at the same time some kind of begging.
"I know. I don't know what to say, it is just..."
"I did my best. I supported you. I was there for you. I waited for you when you said you need your time."
"I haven't said you didn't."
"But...? What was I supposed to do? What should have I done more to make you happy? To accept me?"
"It is not that I didn't accept, but I just can't. I can't let you make me happy because I can't do the same for you. I can't be that person. I tried and some things just don't work." How should I have said that to sound less painfully?
"I don't know what to say..."
"It is just...I like to use a dark color for my life. I often found myself in the chaos of trouble and I am insecure about what should I do. But I love being like this. I thing being involved with someone right now creates a messy situation and you are too bright to be trapped under this dirt. I am too complicated and I don't want to make you feel bad."
"Don't pull this thing on me. I am capable to make my own decisions. You can't tell me if I can handle a situation or not." Now he was angry and I felt like I was going to break down, but I realised that sometimes you just have to be cold to let things go.
"No, I won't tell you. But I don't want this. Maybe you are the sweetest person in the entire world, maybe I won't find someome like that...but I know that when I came here I didn't have that feeling that I will miss you like you do. I don't like being anyone's anything. I don't like depending on anyone. Every single time, I was never sure of you, I haven't felt like you could manage the chaos that is my mind. Because yes, I am sick, I have my owm ilness and you are not the antidote."
"What the hell are you talking about? Do you even hear you? You can't live in your own fairytale. You can't expect someone to deal with all your insecurities and troubles and wonders. No one could resist it. Listen to me!"
He stormed out and in that moment I knew he was on the verge of giving up. I just had to push him to the limit.
"I don't expect you to understand. But some people are just not made for each other, even if they have a great time together. But I just hope you won't forget me."
"You have some nerve to ask me that. You...you just like to feel nothing." And he left and shut the door behind him.
My hands were shaking. My whole body was feeling weak and exhausted. My mouth was dry. What have I done, I asked myself. But then I realised I did the best thing. I had to. I couldn't make him endure moments of fake hapiness or just make it feel right because it was easy. No, it has to be a little bit hard. It has to push you to your limits and make you want to show the labyrinth of your complications.
And sometimes you just have to be heartless, even if it breaks you. And that was what I did. That was the time I killed my conscience.